


The Idiot's Toaster

by loopyhoopyfrood



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Neighbors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-14 23:49:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16922709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loopyhoopyfrood/pseuds/loopyhoopyfrood
Summary: Stuck outside in the cold thanks to a 4am fire alarm, Rose gets drawn into conversation with her eccentric neighbour.





	The Idiot's Toaster

“What kind of idiot sets off the fire alarm at four in the morning?” Rose grumbles to herself, pulling her thin dressing gown tighter in a feeble attempt to ward off the biting chill of the winter air.

“Oh, I dunno.” A cheerful voice quips back, and Rose glances to her left to see a tall man with a shock of brown hair grinning at her.

“Might not have been an idiot, might be a perfectly reasonable explanation.” The man continues before Rose gets a chance to let him know that she hadn’t been talking to him, actually, and it had in fact been a perfectly hypothetical question. The man’s still grinning at her though, and she’s been standing here, bored and cold, for over half an hour with no sign that they’ll be let back in any time soon, so she figures what the hell, and turns to fully face the stranger.

“Oh yeah, like what?”

“Weeelllll, could be anything really, couldn’t it? Could be a real fire.”

The man sounds like he’s actually convinced by what he’s saying, but Rose catches the glint of mischief in his eyes that says he’s waiting for her to argue. Never one to disappoint, Rose crosses her arms in front of her chest and raises her eyebrows.

“If it was a real fire, there’d be smoke.” She points out, “And they’d have more than one fire engine, ‘specially for a building this size. Plus, those guys don’t exactly look busy.”

Rose gestures towards the small group of firefights still milling around the entrance to her block of flats. None of them seem to have any sense of urgency, in fact she’s pretty sure one of them is taking a tea break, and the way her new acquaintance tilts his head as he looks over at them tells her quite clearly that she’s the winner of this round.

“Still doesn’t mean the instigator’s an idiot.” He says, conceding her point, “He could be undercover! Or she, or they even, perfectly acceptable singular pronoun, they…”

“Undercover?” Rose asks, cutting off his ramblings about gender before he could really get going.

“Like a secret shopper!”

“What?” Rose asks, already confused, but the man is still talking, barely pausing for breath.

“Maybe he, or she, or they, or xe even, anyway, maybe, right, the person who set off the fire alarm was secretly employed to do so. They set off the alarm, then they stand back and see how long it takes for the fire engines to get here, and how well the firefighters deal with it, yeah, and then they report back, like a secret shopper.”

“But for fire alarms.”

“Exactly.” The man’s grinning like he’s just found the question of life, the universe, and everything, and Rose can’t help but laugh.

“That’s not a real thing.”

“Ah, that’s what they want you to think! That’s why it’s a secret.”

“I’m not buying it.” Says Rose, only realising she’s accidentally made a pun when the man laughs, his grin somehow growing even wider as he playfully bumps his shoulder into hers. Rose groans.

“What else you got?”

“Oh plenty! Maybe the whole building was infected with an odourless nerve gas, and whoever set off the alarm just happened to be, oh I don’t know, oh! A chemist! They’re a chemist, right, and they find out about the gas, but there’s no time, and the fire alarm is the only way to get everyone-”

“Excuse me, sir.”

The man’s eccentric story is interrupted as a man in luminescent orange places a hand on his shoulder, and Rose realises that one of the firefighters has wander over to join them. She wonders if she should be worried, but the fireman looks like he’s fighting a grin, so she figures it can’t be that bad.

“Are you the man who lives in 15A?”

“Yep!” Says the man, popping the ‘p’ with a flourish. “What can I do for you?”

“Just thought I’d give you this back. Maybe stick to sandwiches next time.”

The firefighter hands over a squarish, charred object, and winks at Rose before strolling back to his colleges. Rose is sure she hears him laughing, and she shuffles closer to her neighbour as he holds up the object to glare furiously at it. Rose examines it too, but it’s coating of black char means it takes her a while to recognise it.

“Is that _toast_?!”

“It was supposed to be.” The man says, and he sounds so disappointed that Rose can’t help but burst into giggles. He turns her glare on her, which only makes her laugh harder.

“Wait.” She says, giggles halting abruptly as she realises something. “YOU set off the alarm!”

“I- Ow!”

The man rubs his arm, pouting at Rose’s slap, but he seems more amused at her anger than anything, and Rose is smiling even as she yells.

“What the bleedin’ hell you making toast at four in the morning for!”


End file.
